foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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