sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
