i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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