dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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