Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
he told me I talked like a deaf person
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
