And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
