He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
