Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
