We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
