It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
