My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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