Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
