I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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