I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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