he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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