I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
