Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
