Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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