I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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