i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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