Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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