I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
