so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
