Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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