White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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