It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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