I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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