Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
