the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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