omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
