____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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