Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize