i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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