He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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