hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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