My liver just broke up with me...
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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