1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
