There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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