it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
