pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
