Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
