just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
