I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
