just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Randomize
