I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
