Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
