Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
