We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
