I am spending my child support on dildos
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
