sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
