I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
