I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
