this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
