yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
