Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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