worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?