Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
