Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience