We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Less talking, more tequila
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed