Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?