I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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