I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
