anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
