seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
