she kept yelling 'call me bella'
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
