Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
