If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
