sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
