there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
