Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
How naked do you want me to be?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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