In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
