I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
