Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
