who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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