Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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