I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm getting married
To pizza
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
