He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
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