why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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