Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
