i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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